PSA to not be a dick to retail workers this holiday season (and all seasons!). Working retail during the holidays was some of my shittiest experiences. People become coupon-waving, red-faced monsters that deserve nothing but a trip into Krampus’ sack.
Here are a few things to remember:
1: They have literally no authority. Honestly, the cashier would love nothing more than to accept a stack of expired coupons to get some cranky-ass customer indignantly insisting that “at this point YOU owe ME money!” through the line. But they can’t. And no amount of screaming will change that. Oh, and the manager is bunkered safely in the back refusing to come out and will only troubleshoot through walkie.
2: If you’re nice (like basic human decency) they are more inclined to help you as much as they are able. Being kind and patient costs nothing and might actually pay off. You might even be able to coax out a skiddish manager that *sometimes* has the magic touch to get things accomplished.
3: Corporate overlords. Managers can do a lot but in the end, the retail world is run from corporate overlords through the machine sentries AKA registers. Welcome to Black Mirror, people. If the machine rejects your request then back to the matrix with you.
When I was a teen, my grandfather had alzheimers, a failing heart, and half of one lung. He was covered with scars and sometimes muttered at walls.
I was asked to keep an eye on him, briefly, one afternoon, while my grandmother did something else. While I was alone with him, he looked at an empty space right next to me, and whispered: "Mom? Dad? Is that you?"
With the exception of getting hit by a car, that was the most terrifying moment of my life.
In the Idea Emporium Bakery, Underwater Lollipops are sold. Give a few licks to free the fishes. Be sure to have water handy for them to jump into. (from my new book in the making)
