feeling

This is a work I made as a reaction to a questionaire about suicide. I got over it, but I have been there, done that. Despair, the feeling of drowning, reaching out but never getting the help you need, deep dark depression, the grey-brown brainfog. Yet: there is some light, there always is, but I'm too scared to look at the light. I didn't varnish this pastel-drawing, just to accentuate the fragility of mental health. What you need to know it that I got out of this and so can you if you are this deep in trouble. I'm doing much better. January 2020, pastel on A3 paper.

Wanhoop (Eng: despair) is a work I made last August/September. It's clay which was baked and afterwards painted with acryl and coated with some transparant nailpolish. To me it symbolises the depth of my depression. Despair.

Friday Feelings

I wasn't feeling today's theme so I went with some ornithological humor. It's niche, I know.

Pencil Drawing

nothing much ado

Gotta say, this negative words don't sit well with me. I'm turning this #weak thing into something more positive. Here's 6 tips to be more #confident

This is one of my favorite pieces. This was inspired by Repo! The Genetic Opera, but it means a lot more to me as well. Feelings of desperation and also a feeling of self control that really isn't there. Forcing myself to smile and all the while, feeling hollow inside.

I was feeling pretty depressed and a friend of mine told me to draw her something..."Poison Ivy actually."

A representative feeling of someone who longs for a relaxing time or vacation in the midst of busy daily activities.

‘Everything will unfold in its own time. Don’t stand over a flower and yell at it to grow faster.’ - TheBettermanProject

"He ordered a large side of feeling and the avoidance maneuver roll since they were sharing a can of love." ~ A blackout poem from a recycled page of Dealing with Blue, a young adult romance.

Honor your feelings, 2017

Feelings Volume Uno

Feeling extra inspired today, it seems!

Hey boos. not really feeling it today. hope ya'll are having an awesome day. Love ya'll. bye

The logic of children of all ages. x x x Psychological projection is a defense mechanism in which an individual unconsciously attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, emotions, impulses, or traits to another person, group, animal, or object to avoid confronting them internally. This process allows a person to manage uncomfortable emotions like guilt, shame, or anxiety by externalizing them, making it easier to tolerate the internal conflict. First conceptualized by Sigmund Freud, projection involves displacing negative or undesirable aspects of the self onto others, thereby preserving self-esteem and avoiding internal discomfort. While it can serve as a short-term coping strategy, unchecked projection can lead to interpersonal conflict, misunderstanding, and damage to relationships. x x x no, you. ^w^

A far-too-common archetype that i have observed frequently in people as they converse with another is one in which an individual uses two layers of defense to protect an otherwise unexamined confusion or emptiness. This relates to a defense of the ego and does not apply to all situations involving anything discussed. First posturing: -A mask (or wall) of mockery is sustained in which the defensive individual behaves flippantly as if in jest. This positioning is a way to be aloof from the situation, using incredulity and belittlement to keep a person or their ideas away from the defensive individual. Second posturing: -A mask (or wall) of rage is revealed after a certain level of perceived threat is achieved internally. This positioning is usually the one the defensive individual maintains when they have given up the argument or the introspection. Not risking an ontological or existential crisis, the defensive individual lashes out with anger, often accusatorily in manner, potentially belittling others further or just plain rushing away in a huff. This is usually the end of the engagement. Third posturing: -The masks (or walls) both come off, leaving the defensive individual to examine the thoughts or behaviors involved in the situation more critically. The defensive individual may find themselves feeling deeply uncomfortable, sad, uneasy, lost, or confused. This position leads to introspection and to a genuine openness, which is not something that the defensive individual had been prepared for. They may find that they were incorrect, only partially correct, or that the perceived rightness of their idea/behavior now has an expanded context, all of which may seem frightening. Individuals may become mentally paralyzed at this point. It takes a strength and an honesty to reflect in this position, which is not something that everyone expressing this archetype will be capable of doing. (Based on my professional insights as: a cashier, as a member of various technical support staffs, as an occasional minister, and as a peer counselor. Also based on my casual and repeated interactions with both strangers and with more intimately known persons over the course of my lifetime. Observations are my own.)

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I have my eye on distractions lol

Years ago, I did some triathlons, and though I miss that feeling of accomplishment through hard work, I DO NOT miss all the niggling injuries or dedicating so much of my time to training. The post-workout and post-race meals were what kept me going. Food, food, and more food. I'll never do all that again, but this was a fun way to relive the grind.

My feelings are true..

So, I drew my BSD OC character, Noa. Trying anime after learning new things. I'm not really happy with her hair. I need to think about her design more. "Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay. To mould me man?" A foreign ability user named Cohen and his sister Noa visited the Agency. Cohen has the ability "I," which allows him to temporarily animate any objects. For example, tables, chairs, statues, etc. But he must manually "unanimate" them. The weakness of his ability is that objects left animated for too long will go insane. He came to the Agency because his brother, Levi, stole their family heirloom - a golem, the best matter with which "I" works in symbiosis. Cohen is dying of an illness. He must pass on his ability to another, but finding the golem is a priority. The main plot twist, of course, is that his "sister" is the animated golem. She does not know about this since the master ordered her to forget and believe in her familial relationship with him - the golem unquestioningly follows the orders of the master and this includes subconscious self-deception. Noa is an ancient creature, but her age matters little because when her master "turns her off," all the memories she has lived are erased from her memory. With a new "turn on," she needs time to gradually gain an independent mind and begin to feel. Unfortunately, this process is rapid enough to cause terrible problems with controlling emotions and feelings, which always lead to blind violence on her part when she can not cope with herself... In some ways, she is naive, but she highly values ​​life and human life in particular. Human beings amaze her with their complexity and their achievements. And life in general is full of exciting colors and aspects for a once inanimate object. However, there is a person who will do anything to prevent Noa from gaining freedom, and it is not even Cohen... "I" is a reference to a chapter name from Gustav Meyrink's novel "Golem." Characters are not based on any writer, but they have references to "Golem" chapters' names.

Lately this is how I have been feeling. Ever feel like like your the walking dead and feasting on the souls of others positivity. I need a cure. Part 2 coming.

This sketch shall be turned into a print someday. Dip pen and ink in my A5 watercolour sketchbook. The background wash is the result of a palette cleaning.

my original illustration (zoom in): "development"

Many men (and likely many women, too) feel something like the following after getting a divorce: Either "I'll never be good enough again." OR Either "Nobody will ever be good enough again."