A silly watercolor sketch, I know, but there's a lot tied to this little thing. There are so many bittersweet feelings lately. I tend to avoid putting a numerical value to time, I don't like the count-down aspect to things, especially knowing how obsessive I can be with that. It allows me to live in some semblance of ignorance (they say ignorance is pure bliss). There's a lot of tip-toeing around what I want to say and what I'm afraid to say, or even what I'd love to explore and embrace and simply afraid to. It's something I'm not used to. It's taken me quite a while to finally sit with certain things, or even acknowledge them, and it feels like there's so much more I'm now realizing. It's odd to be so frank to some and worried that others may find out. There's a lot of shifting again, goodbyes coming soon, complicated feelings and situations.
I have no mouth and I must scream! ink, watercolour, gouache and gold leaf on paper, 75x50cm, 2020, POA. Another artwork created in lockdown. A reflection of and introspection into thoughts and feeling of living during a pandemic.
Close to a month ago, I had found out my design was selected for the Art Stop Program, and, yes, this is mainly what I've been working on since. I've never worked on a piece this large before, 72in x 24in, and I rarely make sketches of pieces before creating the final work. It's definitely a cool feeling to look at the finished board and see how the drawing actually came to life. (The Art Stop Program selects a handful of entered designs for the artists to create on a larger board, and these boards will then be inserted into bus stop benches around Niles, IL.) I can't wait to see the bench this will be in, and I'm so lucky I got to be part of the program.
First time I draw a woman's face and I don't have the feeling the result it's an androgyny man. Can't say what's the difference, but this time it worked for me.
My first art of 2021, and the first in about 7 months after feeling blocked since last year. Reference was some random photo of a house on a country lane from when I used to go for long walks in Sussex. I decided to push myself into doing some form of artwork every day. This was the result from day three.
I have been feeling art blocked and unmotivated lately, so here's a simple Monika. If you have any tips for getting out of art block, please let me know! :) I really would appreciate it.
I like imagining static objects having human feelings and expressions. This little plumb one is telling me its emotion of the moment, perhaps contemplative sadness? Waiting for its time to shine?
It's an odd feeling to reexperience the old anger and frustration I thought I had overcome, but, in all reality, I've been letting it creep back in for a while now. There was a moment of fear, it's still in the back of my mind, I'm afraid to slip back into the mental place I was a couple of years back. I'd like to say I've finally realized that it's ok to be afraid, and even a bit frustrated, but it's a matter of how I handle those emotions and my own reactions that make the difference.
"Parts Unknown," Acrylic on Canvas, 18x24 Some actions we will never know the reason behind, and, quite honestly, we don't always need to know the answer. Anthony Bourdain committed suicide on June 8th, 2018, news that was shocking for most to hear. People continue to speculate what could have caused him to commit suicide, some feel he had more to do, to say before he died. Personally, I find there's some feeling of closure or completeness to his death. I don't know what the feeling is exactly, but it's there. It feels like he left on his own terms, decided it was time. I wouldn't consider his death as him waving a white flag to addiction and depression. He said his shows were intended to tell other's stories, tell them frankly and truthfully. It's interesting how blunt and honest he could seem to be about himself, though he kept so many layers held within. Although we'd love to have a clear cut answer, explanation, reason, what would knowing that information change?
No, I can't get it out of my head, now my whole world is gone for dead. This song has been stuck in my head for a while now, kind of interesting. I apologize for the long ramble of reflection this will be, but here I go. It's been an interesting few weeks, ups and downs, odd mindsets, but here I am. I don't know, quarantine has shifted a lot of things for everyone, and I've noticed a lot of changes in myself. I jokingly say I'm becoming soft, but it's a bit true, in a good way. I'm thankful for so many people in my life, and I'm finally letting those people how much they mean to me. I know I've said this before, but gymnastics has really been getting me through, and I'm proud of all the progress I've been making recently. My coaches make my life better, they're just incredible people and I love them so much. Thank you to the person I had a whole long text conversation with tonight (you know who you are) and for always dealing with my chaotic self. And finally, I've started to accept who I am, and that's a nice feeling. There's still the dark parts, the static still consumes me from time to time, but tonight was a good night. Thank you for all the support from everyone (in and outside of this community!). I genuinely appreciate all of it
