self

Experimenting with things from my sketchbook and digital way to glue everything together

I’ve been going through a bit of an art slump lately, but I finally got myself to pick up the pencil and finish this. My reference photo was a bit grainy so had some trouble with that, but overall I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out. Done in graphite, drawing itself is about 5x6 in

"Chameleon, you're free again, my child." I think using song lyrics may be slightly cheating...but it is quoted text... I feel like I haven't made a 'purposeful' piece in a bit, so this drawing felt even better to make. There have been multiple ups and downs lately. Frustration, self-hate, and anxiety can take many forms, and eventually I lose sight of what they started as. I heard this song for the first time a few months ago and it's really been stuck in my head recently for various reasons. I don't know, sometimes music provides an escape that even art can't.

No, I can't get it out of my head, now my whole world is gone for dead. This song has been stuck in my head for a while now, kind of interesting. I apologize for the long ramble of reflection this will be, but here I go. It's been an interesting few weeks, ups and downs, odd mindsets, but here I am. I don't know, quarantine has shifted a lot of things for everyone, and I've noticed a lot of changes in myself. I jokingly say I'm becoming soft, but it's a bit true, in a good way. I'm thankful for so many people in my life, and I'm finally letting those people how much they mean to me. I know I've said this before, but gymnastics has really been getting me through, and I'm proud of all the progress I've been making recently. My coaches make my life better, they're just incredible people and I love them so much. Thank you to the person I had a whole long text conversation with tonight (you know who you are) and for always dealing with my chaotic self. And finally, I've started to accept who I am, and that's a nice feeling. There's still the dark parts, the static still consumes me from time to time, but tonight was a good night. Thank you for all the support from everyone (in and outside of this community!). I genuinely appreciate all of it

selfportrait as one of my girls - element unknown

(fineliner pen on a 125mm x 75mm notecard) There was a time when manga and animé were cool, but now it's everywhere and a shadow of its former self, with the stigma of hentai attached to it.

BEING GREEDY CHOKES ANANSI From Favorite Folktales around the world by Jane Yolen. One time, Anansi lived in a country that had a queen who was also a witch. And she decreed that whoever used the word five would fall down dead, because that was her secret name, and she didn’t want anyone using it. Now, Buh Anansi was a clever fellow, and a hungry one too. Things were especially bad because there was a famine, so Anansi made a little house for himself by the side of the river near where everyone came to get water. And when anybody came to get water, he would call out to them, “I beg you to tell me how many yam hills I have here. I can’t count very well.” So, one by one he thought they would come up and say, “One, two, three, four, five,” and they would fall down dead. Then Anansi would take them and corn them in his barrel and eat them, and that way he would have lots of food in hungry times and in times of plenty.

Taken me a while to finish this one - not feeling very focused lately. Also, I restricted myself to using Bic’s yellow ink, which is way more vibrant than the cheap 10-colour ink click pens that I usually use.

Where do I begin with this one? This is a drawing of my dad and I; the picture was taken back in 2006, a happier time, I suppose. I don't commonly think about my dad, I don't necessarily think about how much I miss him or how I wish I could see him again, so it was odd for me to sit and look through old photos. I don't really know my dad; I do, but I don't. My dad was physically part of my life for 10 years, the second half of those were not the best. Mental illness, self medicating for years, debt, heroin, arguments, threats, uncertainty. I feel like I remember the negative more because I was older, my parents couldn't hide it from me like they used to. At the same time, when he was sober and stable, life was good. Life was great, things felt complete. So here I am, 6 years since he died. I don't want to say his image is fading, but I know less of who he was than I did before. I see the good from some (the ones who praise him, who act like he was a saint), and I see the bad from others (the one who felt the pain). I suppose I no longer see my view, my memories aren't there anymore. I don't necessarily feel sad, the anger has faded, and I can't say I'm happy. Maybe I'll figure it out one day, but, for now, it is what it is.

I've spent recent lockdown days watching far too many Youtube videos about attachment styles and honestly it makes a lot of sense. Here is a little message for my anxious preoccupied self

"Desire so strong that self-control felt like putting out a forest fire." 8" x 4" Graphite on Toned Paper Story and Timelapse: https://www.instagram.com/_apricotjams https://www.youtube.com Audio Journals: https://www.apricotjamspodcast.com League of Legends (LiveStream): https://www.twitch.tv/apricotjams Business Inquiries: apricotjamspodcast@gmail.com Official Links: https://www.pinterest.com/apricotjamspodcast https://www.twitter.com/_aprictotjams https://www.artstation.com/apricotjams https://www.doodleaddicts.com/apricotjams https://www.behance.com/apricotjams https://www.deviantart.com/apricotjamsofficial https://apricotjamsart.tumblr.com/ https://ello.co/apricotjams - © 2019 Apricot Jams

This beautifull peace I did in the course I had in university, reproduction. I really surprised myself with the result ^_^ . It is done with oilcolors on canvas.

just getting back to my doodler self. loving it.

Grow your mind...

I wanted to challenge myself with a different type of drawing without spending too much time on it. I am pretty satisfied with the results. It came out looking a lot more disgusting than I intended but it still works. lol Done in Graphite and Watercolor.

Digital painting

Linedrawing with some watercolor.

Hibernation time has definitely come to an end on this part of the globe. It is now time to eat the world and so this one decided to bring himself to life and cast some magick around. Drawings are a very powerful tool for that. This is the first bear that I have ever created on paper and I don't know much about why he came out like this but I'm sure that he knows very well all about that. He is the sigil and I trust his eyes

Doodle with Pentel brush, and posca! A little bit note to self. "In between goals is a thing called life that has to be lived and enjoyed." by Sid Caesar.

Recently I saw beautiful Van Gogh exhibition. I really enjoyed movement of his brush and vivid colours. It was more about energy and feelings than realistic details. I am always gravitating towards realism and always want to spend more and more time perfecting paintings like they are never really finished so this time I decided to challenge myself not to do that.

And who's better at screamimg than none other than Courage;The Cowardly Dog himself.

Adorn yourself with peace to ward off the thorns

I very quick yet cute doodle from long ago. I am both surprised and proud of myself for this one :P

“It’s a slow-burn, post-war portrait of a closed, traditionalist society slowly collapsing in on itself!” - me

Chromatography is used in chemistry to dissolve a mixture and place it into a "mobile phase," which allows the solvent to carry it and its components up the paper. It shows the layers, exposing deeper, hidden tones and colors, something only seen when a solvent of the same polarity is used. It's odd. Life feels a bit like that, and I'm seeing the colors separate for the first time. It's all there, everything that's been hidden in the inky mess for the past however many years. And now it's smeared. Bold. Clear. But blurry. What's on me and what's on you? Where do we go from here?

beach dreams, mosquito realities.

I made myself some motivational stickers to (hopefully) help with the CONSTANT negative self-talk that seems to be an innate part of my creative practice