feeling

I wanted to measure how far I have come. In 2023 I drew Voxs screen, well today I redrew it and got this as a result. I'm not one to feel a sense of pride, but damn I'm feeling proud. I have done a lot of self taught with my art and using Ipad and procreate. I did take a art class in college which was basic sketching. I have watched videos, listened to others and just observed to get where I am. I don't know if my art will take me anywhere. But what I do know is, its my outlet, my vent, my escape.

Years ago, while digging through old journals and sketches, I stumbled across a quick, scribbled drawing of two pears. Beneath it, I'd written a raw and honest note: "Ann is pissed. I think it's because she's uncertain about me, us, life itself. She just ran into my car with the van. She says it was an accident, but she seems happier now—almost like it was cathartic. . . Like sex." At the time, I scribbled this in frustration, feeling a deep disconnect between us. Intimacy had become a confusing and distant concept in our relationship. The pears I'd sketched were rough and scratchy, charged with my chaotic feelings. Looking back, I see how emotions can drive us to strange actions, some intentional, some accidental, often leaving us oddly relieved afterward. Humans are complex, fascinating beings, navigating messy emotions and messy relationships, sometimes colliding intentionally or unintentionally, seeking relief in unexpected ways. Perhaps the pears were my subconscious pun on "pair," reflecting the awkward, confusing way Ann and I were bumping through life together—making messes, but occasionally finding strange humor and genuine catharsis in the chaos. I've learned to smile gently at the rawness of our humanity, appreciating even our scratchy sketches and emotional collisions. They're reminders that life, relationships, and our own hearts are never simple, but they're authentically human. Here's to embracing life's unexpected catharsis and finding humor in our imperfections.

Years ago, I did some triathlons, and though I miss that feeling of accomplishment through hard work, I DO NOT miss all the niggling injuries or dedicating so much of my time to training. The post-workout and post-race meals were what kept me going. Food, food, and more food. I'll never do all that again, but this was a fun way to relive the grind.

My feelings are true..

Here is anime style: https://www.doodleaddicts.com/uploads/69316/noa-rabiner/" Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay. To mould me man?" A foreign ability user named Cohen and his sister Noa visited the Agency. Cohen has the ability "I," which allows him to temporarily animate any objects. For example, tables, chairs, statues, etc. But he must manually "unanimate" them. The weakness of his ability is that objects left animated for too long will go insane. He came to the Agency because his brother, Levi, stole their family heirloom - a golem, the best matter with which "I" works in symbiosis. Cohen is dying of an illness. He must pass on his ability to another, but finding the golem is a priority. The main plot twist, of course, is that his "sister" is the animated golem. She does not know about this since the master ordered her to forget and believe in her familial relationship with him - the golem unquestioningly follows the orders of the master and this includes subconscious self-deception. Noa is an ancient creature, but her age matters little because when her master "turns her off," all the memories she has lived are erased from her memory. With a new "turn on," she needs time to gradually gain an independent mind and begin to feel. Unfortunately, this process is rapid enough to cause terrible problems with controlling emotions and feelings, which always lead to blind violence on her part when she can not cope with herself... In some ways, she is naive, but she highly values ​​life and human life in particular. Human beings amaze her with their complexity and their achievements. And life in general is full of exciting colors and aspects for a once inanimate object. However, there is a person who will do anything to prevent Noa from gaining freedom, and it is not even Cohen... "I" is a reference to a chapter name from Gustav Meyrink's novel "Golem." Characters are not based on any writer, but they have references to "Golem" chapters' names.

So, I drew my BSD OC character, Noa. Trying anime after learning new things. I'm not really happy with her hair. I need to think about her design more. "Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay. To mould me man?" A foreign ability user named Cohen and his sister Noa visited the Agency. Cohen has the ability "I," which allows him to temporarily animate any objects. For example, tables, chairs, statues, etc. But he must manually "unanimate" them. The weakness of his ability is that objects left animated for too long will go insane. He came to the Agency because his brother, Levi, stole their family heirloom - a golem, the best matter with which "I" works in symbiosis. Cohen is dying of an illness. He must pass on his ability to another, but finding the golem is a priority. The main plot twist, of course, is that his "sister" is the animated golem. She does not know about this since the master ordered her to forget and believe in her familial relationship with him - the golem unquestioningly follows the orders of the master and this includes subconscious self-deception. Noa is an ancient creature, but her age matters little because when her master "turns her off," all the memories she has lived are erased from her memory. With a new "turn on," she needs time to gradually gain an independent mind and begin to feel. Unfortunately, this process is rapid enough to cause terrible problems with controlling emotions and feelings, which always lead to blind violence on her part when she can not cope with herself... In some ways, she is naive, but she highly values ​​life and human life in particular. Human beings amaze her with their complexity and their achievements. And life in general is full of exciting colors and aspects for a once inanimate object. However, there is a person who will do anything to prevent Noa from gaining freedom, and it is not even Cohen... "I" is a reference to a chapter name from Gustav Meyrink's novel "Golem." Characters are not based on any writer, but they have references to "Golem" chapters' names.

I remember how I just started making this piece with no guidelines no measurements.. nothing. Just me looking at the reference and goin blind in the feelings. I wanted to make this piece as alive as i could..I wanted to feel his presence near me.

I wasn't feeling this one but I pushed and finished

This black and white ink drawing portrays an aged man with a beard lost in deep contemplation within a futuristic spaceship setting. The subtle hints of sadness on his face are contrasted against the vastness of space, where the Milky Way is barely visible in the background. The artwork evokes feelings of isolation and reflection, inviting viewers to ponder the human experience amidst the cosmos.

I was feeling listless about this inktober until I picked up Daily Rituals : How artists work by Mason Currey. I immediately knew that I want to do these portraits for the inktober. FRANCIS BACON. At the end of these long nights, Bacon frequently demanded that his reeling companions join him at home for one last drink - an effort, it seems, to postpone his nightly battles with insomnia. Bacon depended on polls to get to sleep, and he would read and reread classic cookbooks to relax himself before bed. #inktober #portraits #francisBacon

After experiencing a DNA surprise/shock earlier in the year I needed to express my feelings in my artwork. Conception is a representation of how random life can be. A sence of belonging yet somehow not belonging and finally being able to link together those aspects of myself.

Continuing to make works that create feelings of movement using line.

Lately this is how I have been feeling. Ever feel like like your the walking dead and feasting on the souls of others positivity. I need a cure. Part 2 coming.

Recently I saw beautiful Van Gogh exhibition. I really enjoyed movement of his brush and vivid colours. It was more about energy and feelings than realistic details. I am always gravitating towards realism and always want to spend more and more time perfecting paintings like they are never really finished so this time I decided to challenge myself not to do that.

This sketch shall be turned into a print someday. Dip pen and ink in my A5 watercolour sketchbook. The background wash is the result of a palette cleaning.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)

my original illustration (zoom in): "development"

Many men (and likely many women, too) feel something like the following after getting a divorce: Either "I'll never be good enough again." OR Either "Nobody will ever be good enough again."

we are all as prisms filtering the Light of Experience into internal experiences which we call emotions

Also sometimes called "Emotional Blindness", Alexithymia is characterized by difficulty interpreting, understanding, and expressing emotions, most notably one's own emotions.

Feeling extra inspired today, it seems!

Suddenly the light goes out and staying in the dark is a test of resistance, but when everything seems lost, it turns on again, so simply: sometimes a single attempt isn't enough, there are many moments to spend without light, but you don't have to be afraid of it, because sooner or later we will succeed in the undertaking and it will make you smile as the thing that seemed so difficult came spontaneously, it was enough not to force the process. I hate the darkness because it shows me a version of myself that I would never want to meet, yet if I accept that the punches of life in some periods are stronger than others, sometimes leaving bruises and burns, but that life itself has granted me caresses like this sweets that I would not have appreciated without going through pain, then everything around me will seem golden. I can only appreciate the hatred and wonder of it. I can feel those caresses, I can savor them with the same intensity with which I feel the pain of the punches, because ultimately they give so much: the strength to take another step, to not give up right now, right now that I am so close to feeling them in my heart those precious caresses.

Will it always be like this? Whenever he tries to love me, will it be just an attempt? This feeling is what I try to represent with the drawing, the tallest and most beautiful flowers are the negative thoughts towards my body and my person; the withered ones are the positive ones, which drown before the greatness and strength of the others.

pencil sketch

Fall work

I was feeling down and created this

With our words in sentences With our ideas in motion With our social customs in our lives With our practices and habits We force things upon ourselves and others Within each of these realms Instead of developing understanding Instead of searching for meaning Instead of exploring their functions And discovering the shapes that fit.

Just another one of my little gnomes