"And I Can't Get It Out of My Head"
Watercolor
I feel like I may be cheating since the song I was inspired by is not so simple, but I'm pleased with the result. To be completely honest, this was the piece I needed right now.
The past week has been interesting for me, I've found myself in a peculiar slump. There's not one thing I'm thinking or worrying about, it's a constant buzz of thoughts streaming through my head. Sometimes I can get the buzzing to quiet down, other times it gets overwhelmingly loud.
I've always found art to be a release, it fills in the blanks when I can't figure out how to make my words work. Lately, it's been more of a challenge than usual, but I think this piece says all I've been wanting to say.
Our Dining Room is my favorite room in the house. Every family meal we eat at home happens there - breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Meal times are our sacred family time to share our day, our thoughts, our struggles, our successes, etc. We do have a breakfast area. But aside from homework, projects, or reading the newspaper, the breakfast area doesn't get much use unless needed for overflow from the dining room when we have visitors.
Quick sketches for the processing of incomplete thoughts. Everything is created twice, first in thought, second in form. I am still thinking and still forming and still being formed.
Today’s drawing gets it’s name from something I overheard someone declare at lunch yesterday afternoon. I’ve had kale often enough and yet, I’m not convinced it tastes *entirely* like grass... I could be wrong though. Thoughts?
My husband has a chronic illness and frequently spends weeks in the hospital. I have been doodling each day while sitting with him and many of them reflect my thoughts at the time. Often appearing are desperation, hope, frustration, sarcasm, fear.
My husband has a chronic illness and frequently spends weeks in the hospital. I have been doodling each day while sitting with him and many of them reflect my thoughts at the time. Often appearing are desperation, hope, frustration, sarcasm, fear.
Another dream I had once, but lately I have been feeling....yuck. Its hard to feel good when you live in a world thats shallow. All the negative thoughts scream at you.
Lords of War - otep
With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph. So help us, God
More wars on foreign shores
More names for us to mourn
To misguide the misinformed
To ignore the sick and poor
Thus, we praise the lords of war
On our knees and beg for more
A fresh poison for the weak
Filthy little beasts
Bred to conform
It's the dwarfed souls of greedy men
Feculent, arrogant
That shackles our young to the cold concrete
And empty their guns into bodies
They scream "I'm not guilty"
They scream "I'm not guilty"
But cowards here are only what they fear
Shoot until the threat stops
I'd rather be in battle than at peace
I'd rather be a wolf than a sheep
I'd rather be in battle than slaughtered like cattle
The weak can sleep while
You were born to be led
That's what religion says
With a bifurcated tongue
America eats its young
Bullet-toothed, empty gods
Paralyze the minds and contest the thoughts
With devils everywhere
Bombs bursting in the air
Drones flown over thrones
Of bone and brimstone
Sabers rattle in the homes
Of the cowards and the crones
As they shackle our young
Blood stains the streets
Pigs empty their guns in their bodies
Bow down to the lords of war
On your knees for the lords of war
Bow down to the lords of war
On your knees for the lords of war
We rise in defiance
We won't remain silent
To triumph over tyrants
And police violence
Shoot until the threat stop
We're not guilty
Help us God
The lords of war
On your knees for the lords of war
Bow down to the lords of war
What is so terrible about a child screaming?
Why should it disturb us?
Just because we happen to be there to hear it?
What about the child who comes from an inadequate home, where he gets no encouragement from his parents
Where he doesn't have enough to wear, he doesn't have enough to eat, he comes to school hungry...
This beautiful, breathtaking #embracingnightmares
These thoughts are in my mind daily. I take care of my 91 year old father. I'm certain he has dementia but I can't get his doctor to diagnose him. He can easily pass a competency test, even though he is no longer competent. My mind is messy, to say the least.
A far-too-common archetype that i have observed frequently in people as they converse with another is one in which an individual uses two layers of defense to protect an otherwise unexamined confusion or emptiness. This relates to a defense of the ego and does not apply to all situations involving anything discussed.
First posturing:
-A mask (or wall) of mockery is sustained in which the defensive individual behaves flippantly as if in jest. This positioning is a way to be aloof from the situation, using incredulity and belittlement to keep a person or their ideas away from the defensive individual.
Second posturing:
-A mask (or wall) of rage is revealed after a certain level of perceived threat is achieved internally. This positioning is usually the one the defensive individual maintains when they have given up the argument or the introspection. Not risking an ontological or existential crisis, the defensive individual lashes out with anger, often accusatorily in manner, potentially belittling others further or just plain rushing away in a huff. This is usually the end of the engagement.
Third posturing:
-The masks (or walls) both come off, leaving the defensive individual to examine the thoughts or behaviors involved in the situation more critically. The defensive individual may find themselves feeling deeply uncomfortable, sad, uneasy, lost, or confused. This position leads to introspection and to a genuine openness, which is not something that the defensive individual had been prepared for. They may find that they were incorrect, only partially correct, or that the perceived rightness of their idea/behavior now has an expanded context, all of which may seem frightening. Individuals may become mentally paralyzed at this point. It takes a strength and an honesty to reflect in this position, which is not something that everyone expressing this archetype will be capable of doing.
(Based on my professional insights as: a cashier, as a member of various technical support staffs, as an occasional minister, and as a peer counselor. Also based on my casual and repeated interactions with both strangers and with more intimately known persons over the course of my lifetime. Observations are my own.)
If i was real youd see me cry
If i was real youd watch me die
If i was real youd spit in my eye
If i was real youd know a lie
If i was real youd know my name
If i was real id bring you shame
If i was real id show you pain
If i was real id drive you insane
But im not real
Im just a name
Meet me in the dark
Meet me in the light
Ill crawl inside your skin
Eager for a bite
Ill coil around your thoughts
Let me stay
Together we can obsess
Over every shade of grey
Deny my existence
Dont say my name
I dont love you
Make no mistake
Im not here for salvation
Im here for the pain
Embrace me my child
Nightmares
My name
#embracingnightmares
If time cost flesh
If life is boundless
Then where will my hours take me
I want with desires
I wish like a liar
Chasing the rabbit timidly
When im asleep
My dreams are whats deep
I drown in seas of maybes
How do i rise
How do i reach skies
When emotions and plans limit me
I grovel an weep
Cause i put dreams out of reach
But i want to engage the maybes
So instead of the plots
And sitting on thoughts
Its time to embrace the daydreams
I wont cower to dreams
I’ll capture a scheme
And nurture the life of maybes -#embracingnightmares
Will it always be like this? Whenever he tries to love me, will it be just an attempt?
This feeling is what I try to represent with the drawing, the tallest and most beautiful flowers are the negative thoughts towards my body and my person; the withered ones are the positive ones, which drown before the greatness and strength of the others.
I told myself, weeks ago that i would be post two or three times a week but here I am posting after a month of nothing. I have been painting alot more, but i finally completed something and am ready to post it. I decided flowers because i like flowers. I did a life vs. death kind of thing. I was hesitant about painting these because i was thinking to myself do i like flowers because i like them or because im a women and society norms tell me to? I know it sounds stupid but its these kind of thoughts that stop me from doing things i enjoy or want to do in life.
Thoughts?
This is my portrait by the best artist in the whole universe, my daughter. I'll trust all my best to post here every day the random things, my thoughts, and sketches, or even just scribbles from pieces of paper. So nice to meet you all ppl.
I have no mouth and I must scream! ink, watercolour, gouache and gold leaf on paper, 75x50cm, 2020, POA. Another artwork created in lockdown. A reflection of and introspection into thoughts and feeling of living during a pandemic.
