think

I was just thinking of how every time I see a moth, somebody has to point out that they're just 'Ugly Butterflies'.

It's crazy to think that 6 years have already flown by since I first moved onto the Xcel gymnastics team, let alone the fact that I've spent 15 years of my life as a gymnast. Tomorrow, August 6th, 2021, marks my last day as a gymnast on the team since I'm officially a college student. I've genuinely been dreading this day, but it's not the ending I expected...in an oddly good way. I know no one expected to spend the past year in a pandemic, and I definitely didn't think gym would shift so much in the following months, but here we are. Gymnastics has taught me more than I ever imagined it could, and my coaches (especially one of them) have become two of the people I'm closest with, words can't describe how grateful I am for everything. This 'ending' doesn't feel like an end, more so a closing to this chapter. Honestly, my love for the sport has only grown, and it feels like I'm finally figuring it all out. So, although my final practice as a team member is tomorrow, my journey is not over yet. "Goodbyes are the hardest part, and this ending has been something I’ve been dreading, although I know it’s time to let go. I’d like to say this isn’t a permanent goodbye to you or the sport, it’s more of a natural conclusion. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you’ve done for me and managed to teach me in this short amount of time, I couldn’t have asked for anyone, or anything, better. Thank you most of all for helping me achieve my dreams and for helping me get to a point in which I can say I’m proud of my journey. All that’s left to say is I care about you, I love you, and take care."

"Untitled," 8×10, Scratchboard: I think it's become evident that I enjoy making portraits no matter what the medium is. I still find it fascinating how much eyes can say, and they can usually fill in the gaps where words fail. I took a chance using Scratchboard, but I think it worked out, I'm pleased with it. I suppose this is a new member of the Black and White Portrait Club :)

Where do I begin with this one? This is a drawing of my dad and I; the picture was taken back in 2006, a happier time, I suppose. I don't commonly think about my dad, I don't necessarily think about how much I miss him or how I wish I could see him again, so it was odd for me to sit and look through old photos. I don't really know my dad; I do, but I don't. My dad was physically part of my life for 10 years, the second half of those were not the best. Mental illness, self medicating for years, debt, heroin, arguments, threats, uncertainty. I feel like I remember the negative more because I was older, my parents couldn't hide it from me like they used to. At the same time, when he was sober and stable, life was good. Life was great, things felt complete. So here I am, 6 years since he died. I don't want to say his image is fading, but I know less of who he was than I did before. I see the good from some (the ones who praise him, who act like he was a saint), and I see the bad from others (the one who felt the pain). I suppose I no longer see my view, my memories aren't there anymore. I don't necessarily feel sad, the anger has faded, and I can't say I'm happy. Maybe I'll figure it out one day, but, for now, it is what it is.

I've been experimenting with colour pallets and line width. Also trying to do LESS - my natural tendency is to add everything so cutting back is quite hard, but I think works better.

Please let me know what you think! I’m not sure abt the eye, the reference pic I’m using is low quality so I’m kinda improvising. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

We live in such a busy world. Everyone’s walking in a fast pace. But I think it’s okay to stop for a moment and breathe.

Daily drawing attempting to practice perspective which I think is a bit off.

I’m often asked about my Bic pen drawings and how I do them. It starts with a good foundational drawing, the ballpoint pen part is just trying to colour within the lines. I try to do my best to explain the process, but the best way to show my progress is by posting my efforts to master pen drawings over the span of 3 or so years. I have been doodling/drawing with ballpoint pens as far back as I can remember - they were cheap, readily available and always lying around the house. It wasn’t until I was bored during a particularly long team meeting-conference call (around 2016-17) that I started to think about the possibilities of ballpoint pens as serious portrait illustration tools. My first experiments with full colour ink portrait drawings were rather crude, but that’s the point of learning new techniques—as long as the curiosity and the love of drawing is there, you can transfer that skill and passion into any medium. Remember, the most exquisite drawings and paintings you see didn’t materialise fully formed, they started out as failed experiments. Failure after failure after failure. It’s important to remember this when you get discouraged (I've failed spectacularly over the years). The only difference between the accomplished artist and the beginner is hundreds of hours of practice. Talent can only get you so far. It’s the hard work that you do behind the scenes that makes your work look effortless. Keep doodling. Keep learning. Stay curious.

Pastels...I've never been a huge fan of working with them, mainly because I can never seem to get them to blend or move the way I want. I think this turned out okay; it's not the worst it could've been...not the best. It was fun to try, considering the fact that I rarely try new mediums, and it got my mind off everything I've been worrying about. Anyway, enjoy.

Here are some figure drawing images from last year that I think turned out well. These are all quickish poses, 20 mins max.

It's National Toasted Marshmallow Day so this painting seems fitting. What do you think will happen to this guy? About 14 x 14 inches, acrylic on wood board. Sorry not the best photograph.

Watercolor and India Ink on Yupo paper. If there is any single way to let go of detail and think simply, it is by using watercolor on Yupo paper. You basically have to surrender control and just see what happens.

I have a little Moleskine (3.5 x 5.5) notebook that I only draw skulls in. I started in November of 2013 and I do one whenever the urge strikes me. It's not like a skull-a-day thing but sometimes I do get into a period where I will draw one every day for a while then I won't draw any for months. I even lost it for a while and was very sad. I think the longest gap between pages has been a year. This is the most recent skull, drawn on 05.28.2018. Most of them are posted on my Instagram but you have to scroll back a ways to get at the bulk of them.

Recent commission: How do women move forward when doors are continually closing in front of them? Doors that were open in the past are now being closed by those who think that you should live your life the way they do even though your life situation is vastly different from theirs. 2022, 13” x 19” Ballpoint Pen on Paper, Digital. Model: AmyM

A little sketch, 3” by 5”, made better with a bit of cheap watercolour paint. I don’t know why, but I like this little scene. It isn’t a terribly brilliant sketch and I didnt paint it with great care, but still, i like it. And in the end, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If you finish a little piece of art snd can say you like it even weeks and months later, then it is a winner for you.

Gourd-face started out as a tiny doodle in my sketchbook but I couldn't stop thinking about him. So I drew several gourd-faces. This one has the unfortunate circumstance of growing on his face. Poor Gourdy. I drew him with pencil and then colored on the computer. Cheers!

I made myself some motivational stickers to (hopefully) help with the CONSTANT negative self-talk that seems to be an innate part of my creative practice

Ink and Watercolor sketch of octopus. Normally I start with a pencil outline, then go over it with micron pens. But I'm learning to skip the pencil step and just sketch with ink. I helps you not to overthink things. Once you lay the ink line down on the paper it's there to stay. You can't erase and there isn't an undo like you have when working digitally. You just have to work around any "mistakes" you make. I'm also working on sketching faster because I just don't have that much free time these days. Trying to produce a new sketch every day is a real challenge.

This one is a note to myself, and all the other people who tend to overthink everything.

ink on paper; I learned a lot from this and think I can make the next one will be better! I actually considered coloring this but a family member said don't do it! : )

Baby steps toward portraits! So I started with 4 different hair styles. Let me know what you think. Where do I need improvement?

heelo:) i drew this along time ago, this was the first drawing i coloured in on my ipad. i started this drawing on the train, when i was travelling to france with people i really love. everytime i look at this drawing it makes me so happy, because i think of all the beautiful memories. on my waterbottle, cleo (yes, my waterbottle has a name), is a giraffe wich inspired this drawing. have a wonderful day :)

Procreate

A sketch of Naomi listening to some Blues (Johnny Hartman, I think).

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I think It's none other than my heart that covers one's eyes. To see, hear, think, and speak as the mind pleases. Mistakes can happen, and some people focus only on themselves and say things they shouldn't say to someone. When someone doesn't live blind anymore and one day can see the real world with one's own eyes, will feel deceived and feel anger and futility etc. I wanted to say that if look at the world with the eyes of heart, Can't see the reality.

Ballpoint pen and Stabilos; this took longer than it should've. I think it turned out pretty nicely, but the coloring isn't the best (my pens started running out of ink). "I reject your reality and substitute my own"- Adam Savage

Inside front cover. The foreword to the Journey Journal. Black ink and white gouache on toned paper. A4. Zines and postcards available to purchase.

A friend asked me to draw a few of his gorgeous betta fish. This “black Nemo” made me think of nebula and star dust - so epic! Crayola crayon.